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Band 5.5

Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #development #values #phenomenon
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World economic development has rescued many
people
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out of
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from
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 deprivation and brought a better life,
whereas
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 most
of
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apply
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people
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believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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this
Linking Words
 trend leads to the loss of cultural
values
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. In my perspective,
this
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 trend has more merits and demerits which are manageable to cope with. On the one hand, many benefits are brought because of economic growth.
Firstly
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, it reduces impoverishment and improves the quality of life.
While
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 grows, more job opportunities are being generated. The income from jobs can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 escape poverty and
people
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 can have a better standard of living.
In addition
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,
people
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 can have access to
education
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 when they can afford the tuition fee. Through
education
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,
people
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 gain a variety of knowledge in many fields
,
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apply
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 and learn how to use it for a better world.
For example
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, Singapore used to be one of the world's poorest islands has become one of the richest countries.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 attracts foreign investors with no taxes,
invests
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and invests
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 20% of its GDP into
education
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.
On the other hand
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, there is no argument
the
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for the
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 fact that some traditional
values
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 are missing because of
the
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apply
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consumerism.
For example
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, after meeting basic needs,
people
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 are eager to pursue more luxurious items without cherishing the things they have already owned. Humans think that everything can be bought with money, even friendship and love. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 becomes like
this
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, it is hard for us to trust others or build a true relationship.
However
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,
the
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apply
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social
values
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 can be restored by imparting moral lessons from an early age.
People
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 can cultivate the correct moral
values
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 and stick to those principles even though
the
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apply
show examples
society
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 may be changing.
For example
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, China and Japan keep their traditional culture alive by celebrating Lunar-Year and Respect for
aged day
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Age Day
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. Celebrating holidays together helps to nurture
the
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apply
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family connections, giving a sense of belonging and
celebrate
Wrong verb form
celebrating
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 generations of families. More importantly, traditions create positive memories for children.
To conclude
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 should develop the economy because it brings
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
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benefits
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of benefits
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,
such
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 as improved quality of life and
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
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 to acquire
education
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. As for the risk of losing social
values
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, it can be prevented by giving value knowledge from an early age.
Submitted by pimmada.kerdphol on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points and supporting examples are directly related to the advantages and disadvantages of economic development on social values.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the coherence of your paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points of your essay and provides a clear final opinion.
grammatical range accuracy
Proofread your essay for grammar errors and improve sentence structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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