Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

World economic development has rescued many
people
out of
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from
show examples
deprivation and brought a better life,
whereas
most
of
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apply
show examples
people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
this
trend leads to the loss of cultural
values
. In my perspective,
this
trend has more merits and demerits which are manageable to cope with. On the one hand, many benefits are brought because of economic growth.
Firstly
, it reduces impoverishment and improves the quality of life.
While
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
grows, more job opportunities are being generated. The income from jobs can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
escape poverty and
people
can have a better standard of living.
In addition
,
people
can have access to
education
when they can afford the tuition fee. Through
education
,
people
gain a variety of knowledge in many fields
,
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apply
show examples
and learn how to use it for a better world.
For example
, Singapore used to be one of the world's poorest islands has become one of the richest countries.
Government
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The government
show examples
attracts foreign investors with no taxes,
invests
Correct word choice
and invests
show examples
20% of its GDP into
education
.
On the other hand
, there is no argument
the
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for the
show examples
fact that some traditional
values
are missing because of
the
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apply
show examples
consumerism.
For example
, after meeting basic needs,
people
are eager to pursue more luxurious items without cherishing the things they have already owned. Humans think that everything can be bought with money, even friendship and love. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
becomes like
this
, it is hard for us to trust others or build a true relationship.
However
,
the
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apply
show examples
social
values
can be restored by imparting moral lessons from an early age.
People
can cultivate the correct moral
values
and stick to those principles even though
the
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apply
show examples
society
may be changing.
For example
, China and Japan keep their traditional culture alive by celebrating Lunar-Year and Respect for
aged day
Correct your spelling
Age Day
show examples
. Celebrating holidays together helps to nurture
the
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apply
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family connections, giving a sense of belonging and
celebrate
Wrong verb form
celebrating
show examples
generations of families. More importantly, traditions create positive memories for children.
To conclude
,
the
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apply
show examples
society
should develop the economy because it brings
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
show examples
benefits
Change preposition
of benefits
show examples
,
such
as improved quality of life and
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
to acquire
education
. As for the risk of losing social
values
, it can be prevented by giving value knowledge from an early age.
Submitted by pimmada.kerdphol on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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grammatical range accuracy
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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