IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #treatment #medicine #government
Many believe precaution of
health
 issues is better than medical treatment and care,
hence
,
g
Add an article
the
show examples
overnment should fund these projects to support
this
health
 prevention cause.
This
 essay will shed some light on
this
 view and
then
 give my opinion on the matter.
Firstly
, it goes without saying that taking precautions to counter
health
 issues is better than treating them for a long time.
For instance
, people with unhealthy dietary habits are more likely to get obese and develop diseases like diabetes.
Therefore
, governments should pay more attention to what foods trends are developing in the country. The
government
 should be vigilant about what fast food is serving to
their
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 citizens. They should run campaigns to promote healthy eating and educate their people the benefits it has on their bodies.
Similarly
, people who are physically active are more likely to live a healthy life.
For instance
, In Canada,
government
 funds annual charity run to bring awareness to among people and
also
 motivates them to be more active. On the other side, there is another group of people who believe that
a
Add an article
the
show examples
forementioned projects are not necessary. Everyone is responsible for their own
health
, and
government
 money should not be spent on
this
.
For example
, In America, there are many underfunded public schools, so funding
health
 initiatives like healthy school menu might seems unreasonable to many lawmakers and taxpayers. To conclude, I believe projects promoting
health
 benefits are essential and they should get
government
 support. As these projects can safe a lot of money in for both
government
 and citizens in a long run.
Submitted by rumaishauzair on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: