IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #schools #health
Schools are always a place to learn and develop many things. A few individuals are of the opinion that these educational institutions are not fully educating the kids on personal health. I agree with it to a large extent.
However
, I think schools cannot be totally blamed on
this
 matter. In the current essay ,I will discuss on
this
 and conclude. On one hand, there are a lot of reasons for which schools are blamed on not providing relevant physical education.
Firstly
, academics are being given more importance in many learning centres.
As a result
, games are conducted only for namesake.
Secondly
, no extra time is spent on making kids realize the importance of mental and physical health.
Thus
 younger ones are not interested in getting involved in the activities that boost their health.
Last
 but not the least, in some schools there is no playground.As a consequence, children confined to the classrooms without any physical activity.
For example
, most nursery institutions are lacking these play areas.
On the other hand
, students can develop healthy habits only when they will be continuing the ones which they learn in school .
Hence
, it is the parent's responsibility to make these habits get cultivated by the kids.
Moreover
 , if they are not interested in making their child learn some activities for a healthy living
then
 only one-sided effort by the school goes in vain.
For instance
, many parents are sending their children to after-school tuitions leaving no time for games. To conclude, based on the above discussion, it is true that schools are not fully nurturing the children about physical and mental well-being.
However
, in my viewpoint parents should
also
 take active participation when it comes to their kid's fitness.
Submitted by Sri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: