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Writing Samples
Band 7

Everyone should stay in school until the age of eighteen , considering the significance of primary & secondary level education in a learner's life. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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According to
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 the government rules, teenagers who are still under eighteen must attend
school
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, including primary and secondary
level
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 education. I strongly agree with
this
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 policy which can increase the educational
level
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 among kids and teenagers in a
country
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 who are still underage and can prepare them to be better in
society
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 and
work
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. I will explain the reasons in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, the educational
level
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 in a
country
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 is an important aspect of knowing a
country
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's
level
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 of knowledge. Through the policy of making
children
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 who are still underage stay in
school
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 until they reach the age of eighteen,
children
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 can maintain and upgrade their knowledge which can be useful when they are competing with other
children
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 from other countries.
For example
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, in primary and secondary
school
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,
children
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 can learn what they want to learn and find their true skills themselves which can be useful when they are attending a competition,
for instance
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, in a math competition
that is
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 attended by all students from all countries.
Thus
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, that can increase the educational
level
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 of the students in a
country
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.
Secondly
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, the
work
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 and
society
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 environment is so different from what they knew when they were merely kids that they have to be ready when they are older. Making kids and teenagers who are still under eighteen stay in
school
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 helps them to be prepared when they meet the real
society
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, including the
work
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 environment.
For example
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, those who are still underage can join volunteer
work
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 in
school
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 which is sometimes compulsory for certain schools.
This
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 can help them know better about the real
society
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 and empathize with their own neighborhood which is a useful thing when they are adults. In conclusion, the compulsory policy that makes
children
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 who are still underage stay in
school
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 is a beneficial rule.
This
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 is because the knowledge
level
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 of a
country
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 can be increased by making them stay in
school
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.
Moreover
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,
children
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 can be more prepared when they turn into adults.

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task achievement
To enhance your essay further, you could provide more nuanced and specific examples to support your arguments. Instead of speaking generally about the benefits of education, you might cite statistics, studies, or real-world scenarios that more concretely illustrate the advantages of students staying in school until eighteen.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider using a wider range of discourse markers and transition phrases to link your ideas more smoothly. Also, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a single main theme, which is directly related to your overall argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory education
  • Foundational knowledge
  • Career prospects
  • Economic mobility
  • Lifelong learner
  • Vocational training
  • Apprenticeships
  • Academic achievements
  • Global economy
  • Personal autonomy
  • Educational equity
  • Overqualification
  • Job market saturation
  • Inequality
  • Specialization
  • Skill development
  • Youth unemployment
  • Innovative pedagogy
  • Social integration
  • Critical thinking skills
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