IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #reason #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people find a variety of forms to fulfil their free
time
. Spare
time
 can be anywhere that makes individuals happy. Nowadays, there is a clear trend that young adults are getting used to purchase items as a way of leisure. I think that
this
 is a negative development among our teenagers and some adults. In
this
 essay, I will explain
this
 tendency and show the reasons why
this
 is happening.
Firstly
, the behaviour of youngs is strongly influenced by digital media platforms. All
this
 online activity has been increasing since the early’s 2000.
This
 virtual interaction used to be on the purpose of getting up to date on friends activities.
However
, all social media usage has created an easy way for companies to advertise their products to users.
This
 is causing an increase in youngs lust to consume things even if they do not need it. As an example, if you click or spend some
time
 watching advertisements in your social media timeline,
further
, you will receive electronic offers to buy that product or other related items. Another reason is that teenagers and some adults have become more sedentary in recent years.
This
 means that young individuals do not want to spend their free
time
 outdoors. By changing
this
 behaviour, they are more responsive to do activities that require energyless.
This
 is making them go shopping in malls with a good structure of services and food court.
As a result
 of
this
 trend, they purchase kinds of stuff that they may not use or they do not even want it. To conclude, purchase things has become common among young people.
This
 is happening because of the impact that the digital online media through the internet and the changing on teenagers’ behaviour to a more sedentary life. To reinforce, I strongly affirm that
this
 is a negative development.
Submitted by ricieri2010 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: