IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say history is one of the most important school subject. other people think that I. Today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many believe that teaching history in schools is significant. Others,
on the other hand
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, believe that
science
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 and
technology
Use synonyms
 are more essential compared to history, which is indeed true as they must be a part of the educational system
due to
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 the
technology
Use synonyms
-oriented nature of today's
world
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, and the scientific advancements of the present
world
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. One vital reason
science
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 and
technology
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 are essential in schools is that the
world
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 today
is revolving
Wrong verb form
revolves
show examples
 around
technology
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.
Technology
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 is essential in almost every field, whether it is the medical field, marketing, or even small businesses.
For example
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, Artificial Intelligence can be used on patients to detect patterns of abnormal heart activity, and for analysing the market to create a robust business model. Another major factor
science
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 and
technology
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 play a key role in the educational system is that the scientific advancements of the
world
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 today can open the
world
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 to new possibilities.
Science
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 serves as the cornerstone of several areas
such
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 as
technology
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 which was discussed earlier,
as well as
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Correct article usage
the phramaceutical
show examples
phramaceutical
Correct your spelling
pharmaceutical
 industry.
For example
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, Artificial Intelligence is built on pure mathematics.
In addition
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, it enables the discovery of new cures and vaccines for diseases
such
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 as COVID-19 which were once considered to be a global pandemic. In conclusion,
science
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 and
technology
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 are far more significant than history in schools.
This
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 is
due to
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 scientific discoveries and the increasing reliance on
technology
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 in the
world
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.
Moreover
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,
science
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 and
technology
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 serve as the basis for many fields,
such
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 as marketing, business, medical, and
phramaceutical
Correct your spelling
pharmaceutical
 fields

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task achievement
Provide a clearer stance in your introduction and ensure that the opinion is consistently reflected throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Consider introducing a counterargument more explicitly to provide a balanced discussion before concluding your opinion.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies the significance of science and technology, supported by relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • subject
  • important
  • view
  • understand
  • past
  • critical thinking
  • analysis
  • innovation
  • progress
  • practical
  • balance
  • opinion
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