IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays people live longer after they retire. How does this affect individuals and society? What can be done about this?

#people #affect #individuals #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Individuals have currently been living more in the
last
Linking Words
 years, especially after
retirement
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 rise in life expectation
also
Linking Words
 brings some effects to societies. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine these effects and
then
Linking Words
 present some solutions for them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people who live more as a consequence, cause a direct impact in a country public
health
Use synonyms
. It is common that the elderly encounter themselves vulnerable as soon as they retire, which means that they will depend exclusively on the
health
Use synonyms
 public
system
Use synonyms
 considering that the earnings coming from their
retirement
Use synonyms
 avoid them to afford a private
health
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
;
thus
Linking Words
, the more they live the more they will use the public
health
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
; thereby, causing a collapse into the
system
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, their
retirement
Use synonyms
 will require an increase in the tax burden to the payers. As the elderly are living more, the
state
Use synonyms
 will have to cope with the increasing number of retired by raising the taxes to support it. A perfect way to reduce the impact of
this
Linking Words
 new reality is the leverage the age of
retirement
Use synonyms
. With the increasing of life expectation, people are
also
Linking Words
 expected to work more so as to contribute to the
state
Use synonyms
 in order to sustain the
system
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people would get retire later and
also
Linking Words
 improve the life pension for those who are not available to contribute to their workforce anymore.
For example
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it is required that a person retire when he reaches 60 years old, the
state
Use synonyms
 should increase
this
Linking Words
 number to 70;
thus
Linking Words
, those who already have 80 years old could be supported for those who still able to work. To conclude, the
retirement
Use synonyms
 age has become one of the most important issues that any
state
Use synonyms
 have do deal with;
however
Linking Words
, by imposing the leverage of the age of
retirement
Use synonyms
, which is an unpopular measure, should be enough to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by Marcel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: