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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that buildings such as flats and houses should be designed to last a long time Others belive that it is more important to provide accommodation quickly and cheaply Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #buildings #flats #houses #time #belive #accommodation
We are living in a world
that
Correct word choice
where
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 the world population has been increasing at an exponential rate.
Accordingly
,the need for
buildings
 is growing day by day.
However
, many claim that it is crucial to construct strong
buildings
whereas
 others argue that it is more important to build
quickly
Change the word
quick
show examples
 and affordable places in
order
 to meet high demands.I support the first idea and I will outline my point of view in
this
 essay. The strength of
buildings
 should be
primary
Add an article
a primary
the primary
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 concern for constructors.Because
people
 need houses in
order
 to provide a secure place for themselves.The place should protect them from outdoor threats
such
 as bad weather conditions or natural disasters.
Especially
Rephrase
In particular
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, houses ought to be constructed by considering the possibility of
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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disasters like
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
show examples
.When earthquakes hit,
buildings
 have to endure without collapsing.
For instance
,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 system has been dealing with
this
 issue through
sophisticated
Correct article usage
a sophisticated
show examples
 approach.
Following
this
, there is
an
Remove the article
apply
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another concern that we need to accelerate construction works in
order
 to meet the rising
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
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 housing.
Besides
, these
buildings
 should be affordable for everyone to prevent homelessness.In
order
 to provide
this
, unfortunately, many safety regulations are dismissed by authorities.
However
, it has to be known that
this
 attitude
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
people
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 more danger than homelessness.To illustrate,when
buildings
 collapse, many
people
 probably lose their lives.
To conclude
,the lack of accommodation is a serious issue for
people
.Because having a shelter is one of the main instincts of humankind.
However
,
people
’s safety should be considered
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first when construction begins .
Instead
 of building cheap houses without precautions, we need to focus on providing a safe shelter for
people
.
Submitted by cerenkurtul93 on

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logical structure
The logic of the essay is weak, and several points lack coherence. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. The main points are supported, but the overall logical structure is weak.
introduction and conclusion
The response fully addresses the prompt, providing a clear opinion. However, the introduction and conclusion need to be improved for better cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, demonstrating relevance and providing specific examples. However, the points lack coherence and need further development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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