IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

#person #company #believe #money #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Job motivation has become an increasingly popular area of discussion in the modern world. It is often argued that money is the major motivational
factor
Use synonyms
 for employees who decide to remain in a company for a long period of time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will completely disagree that financial gain is not the main
factor
Use synonyms
 and state other reasons that can drive employee retention.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a major reason why employees will be motivated to stay longer in an organisation is
passion
Use synonyms
. A passionate
staff
Use synonyms
 tends to be more devoted
on
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
 his/ her job and will be willing to stay longer than a
staff
Use synonyms
 that lacks drive.
Passion
Use synonyms
 has always been considered as a very important
factor
Use synonyms
 for employee retention.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a career survey filled by working professionals, 70% indicated that
passion
Use synonyms
 is their top reason for staying in their organisation for a long term period.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is reasonable to state that
passion
Use synonyms
 is a driving
factor
Use synonyms
 why
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
staff
Use synonyms
 may choose to stay in a company for years. Another motivational
factor
Use synonyms
 for employees is access to training opportunities. Companies that have a learning platform tend to improve the motivation levels of their people.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent survey in Nigeria indicates that 65% of the working class population felt indebted to companies that provided training platforms for them thereby influencing their decision to remain in the company.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important to note that firms need to provide access to training platforms in order to motivate their
staff
Use synonyms
. In summary, money is not the major reason why people stay longer in firms but
passion
Use synonyms
 and access to training opportunities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important that organisations are intentional about increasing the motivation of their
staff
Use synonyms
 in order to reduce their attrition levels.
Submitted by wendykil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: