IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and uses up the world’s fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #air #travel #pollution #world’s #fuel #resources
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, the world is changing rapidly and dramatically. Nowadays, aviation industries have taken gigantic steps. Flights are readily and frequently available
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the airports. So, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
air
Use synonyms
 travel should be restricted,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that there are many possible solutions to reduce
pollution
Use synonyms
. I cent per cent agree with the latter view. First and foremost, the government cannot simply discourage
air
Use synonyms
 travelling, because it is interconnected with other
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as tourism, leisure centres and so on.
Due to
Linking Words
 it, if the regime restricts the flights,
then
Linking Words
 these businesses will
also
Linking Words
 hit hard,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
 of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 will be unemployed, who are working in these sectors.
Also
Linking Words
, international tourism is the backbone of many countries.
In addition
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 to the above, migration is a process and it has been running since ancient times. Travelling provides an opportunity to learn many things from different cultures in the world. Intercultural exchanges may improve communication with other nations
also
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all vehicles consume oil and cause
pollution
Use synonyms
, so it is unnecessary to restrict
air
Use synonyms
 travel only, owing to
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 use
ample
Change preposition
of ample
show examples
 quantities of fuel. The state should encourage green fuel and renewable energy, which are effective alternatives to fossil fuels.
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 use biodiesel,
then
Linking Words
 the
pollution
Use synonyms
will cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 its burning will be lower.
Moreover
Linking Words
, imposing higher taxes on private vehicles may reduce
pollution
Use synonyms
 effects,
due to
Linking Words
 more
people
Use synonyms
may use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 public transportation.
To conclude
Linking Words
, restricting
air
Use synonyms
 travel should not be the best option to mitigate the
pollution
Use synonyms
. The regime ought to think beyond the box and enact some stricter laws for industries, which are major sources of
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Harvey on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the given prompt, lacking balanced arguments and specific examples. The introduction and conclusion are weak and should be more clearly presented.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is somewhat unclear with underdeveloped introduction and conclusion. The supporting points are presented but lack coherence and proper linking.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used is adequate, but there are some awkward and unclear expressions. The candidate needs to use a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated language to express ideas more clearly.
grammatical range
The essay shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are errors in subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and word choice that affect the clarity of the essay. The candidate needs to work on sentence structure and grammar accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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