IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
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A part of the population
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that the funds allocated by the
government
Use synonyms
 on the arts should be spent in other areas. I totally agree with
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this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 people. In my opinion, the
money
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 given to art should be reallocated because programs
such
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 as education and health need improvements,
also
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 because the tax revenue is falling so
money
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 should not be wasted. The
first
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 reason I believe the
money
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 should be reallocated to other governmental programs,
such
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 as health care and education is
because
Replace the word
that
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 hospitals and schools are far more important than museums and historical
builldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
.
In addition
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, both
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this programs qualities
Change to a genitive case
the qualities of this program
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 in the majority of countries are declining which is harmful for the population.
For example
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, my mother needed
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 from the
government
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 to treat cancer since our family couldn’t afford the treatment, but the
answear
Correct your spelling
answer
 was that the
government
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also
Linking Words
 couldn’t afford it,
as a result
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, we ended up having to loan thousands of dollars so she could have the treatment she
deseved
Correct your spelling
deserved
. The other reason is that the tax revenue
declained
Correct your spelling
declined
drasticly
Correct your spelling
drastically
this
Linking Words
 past year.
Therefore
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, with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 resources coming in, the people in charge should not spend any taxpayer
money
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 where it is not extremely necessary, like in arts. To illustrate, it is the same situation when your boss makes cuts on your income, you have to spend less
money
Use synonyms
in
Verify preposition usage
on
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 cultural activities and focus on paying the essential bills
as
Replace the word
like
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 food and rent. In conclusion, I reaffirm my position that the
money
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 spent in arts should
in fact
Add the comma(s)
, in fact,
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 be reallocated because programs as health and education
desperatly
Correct your spelling
desperately
 need improvements and there is less
money
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 from taxes available.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the
government
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 must stop spending
money
Use synonyms
 in areas that are less important like arts.
Submitted by eduardamallmann on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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