IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
Modern technology has enabled to track the activities of the people via cell phone tracking or by use of security cameras even when they are oblivious of
this
 being done. I agree that
this
 advancement of modern science is of great benefit to human use despite having a few drawbacks. Multiple pieces of evidence are in accord with the benefits of
such
 monitoring.
Firstly
,
this
 high-tech- development has led to a reduction in the number of mishaps in different areas because of the continuous surveillance by cameras installed everywhere.
For instance
, security cameras are installed at every shop in malls of Karachi to mitigate the chances of any theft or robbery.
This
 has led to a minimization in the criminal incidences at large plazas significantly.
Secondly
, the tracking of calls has been a significant help in solving crime scenes like kidnapping. The location and calls can easily be traced in case some kidnapper contacts to demand money.
For example
, in Pakistan, ISI has the authority to track and record calls of people without their knowledge for security purposes through which they can track any criminal activity happening anywhere in the country. But,
on the other hand
,
this
 technology has risen the issues of privacy being breached as most of the time, the public is unaware of
such
 monitoring. As for some people, they find it disturbing to let someone invade their personal space, be it calls or messages.
For example
, people find it disturbing to let anyone peek through their personal text messages or listening through their calls when they are talking to someone in private. Many times,
this
 has created the issue of personal pictures being leaked on social media leading to suicides in younger age groups. Though
this
 surveillance is annoying and frustrating at times for a few people, it proves to be an immense advantage for the safety and defence of the community
Submitted by Leena Kapoor on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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