IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #opportunity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is hard to ignore the fact that money gives more opportunities
such
Linking Words
 as better living conditions, interesting leisure time spent or higher education in a prestigious university. There is an opinion among a number of people that the most important thing for rich people is a chance to help others. I cannot completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because I
also
Linking Words
 think that it is not true for all rich people. As it was said, not all wealthy people help others. Many of them carry only about themselves as they want to have a more luxurious lifestyle than they used to have when,
for example
Linking Words
, they were children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the Majority of them saies that being wealthy provides with a sense of freedom. To say that, possession of
l
Change the article
a
show examples
arge amount of money allows not to limit yourself in travelling to any destination, in clothing, delicious food and other things.
Hence
Linking Words
, as the majority of human beings rich men tend
firstly
Linking Words
 to think about themselves and do what is better for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, wealthy people help a lot
to
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
 society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they support charity organizations by not only providing them with funding but
also
Linking Words
 by promoting it. To illustrate that, many actors, who are usually considered to be rich, collaborate with organizations of
such
Linking Words
 kind and some of them even create a new like Chulpan Khamatova.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rich individuals become an inspiration,
for example
Linking Words
, Steve Jobs or Kim Kardashian. Some create educational courses, gives interviews, telling people how they could change their lives and share some tips for that.
If
Correct your spelling
I
show examples
 tell about entrepreneurs, they usually start a business because they see the problem and they have an idea
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
how to solve it. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they help others.
Thus
Linking Words
, rich people help others in a number of ways. To conclude, to my mind, being rich differently gives an opportunity to help,
however
Linking Words
, it is not nesseccerely a number one thing for a person with capital.
Submitted by stetsenkoalexandra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: