IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high-level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that companies should give the young
generation
Use synonyms
 a chance and replace those who are above fifty
years
Use synonyms
 old.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
employees
Use synonyms
 may need guidance from senior
employees
Use synonyms
, and it is an early age to retire for some
people
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, junior
employees
Use synonyms
 and fresh graduates may face some difficulties when they start working for a company.
This
Linking Words
 is because they do not have enough experience and skills that are required from them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, senior company members might be able to help by teaching the younger
generation
Use synonyms
 how to organize their work, as they have been working for so many
years
Use synonyms
, and they have enough expertise.
For example
Linking Words
, companies can allow
employees
Use synonyms
 who spent a considerable number of
years
Use synonyms
 in a particular company to provide seminars and courses to juniors.
As a result
Linking Words
, the experience can be disseminated to the young
people
Use synonyms
 who are starting their careers. Another reason why
people
Use synonyms
 over fifty-five
years
Use synonyms
should
Correct word choice
old should
show examples
 not be put out of work is that they still face financial demands. Many of them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still need to work as they have responsibilities
such
Linking Words
 as paying for the academic tuition of their children and paying off mortgages. It would not be fair to force a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 into early retirement.
For example
Linking Words
, in Egypt, over 50% of workers are over 55
years
Use synonyms
. If these
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to retire early, they will not be able to provide for their families.
Consequently
Linking Words
, unemployment rates will rise rapidly, and many families will be affected. In conclusion, In my opinion, companies still need the knowledge and experience of the older
generation
Use synonyms
 to help the younger
generation
Use synonyms
, and forced retirement may negatively impact their lives
as well as
Linking Words
 their families in terms of their financial standing.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay maintains a clear stance on the given topic and provides relevant arguments to support the opinion. However, some points could be further developed to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is evident, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas are presented in a coherent manner, but stronger transitions and linking words could enhance the overall cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: