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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that technology makes life complex, so we should make our life simpler without using the technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #life
Nowadays, it is often suggested that
people
's
lifestyle
 is complicated by the advent of technological advances. Some
people
 argue that
people
 should reduce the usage of electronic products because of maintaining peaceful lives. Personally, I agree that the benefits of
lifestyle
 without modern
technology
, which ensures positive health condition and proper
relationship
 among others.
To begin
 with, health problems obviously demonstrates the matter pertaining to the theme. According to developed scientific
technology
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
chronic diseases and stress have
been occurred
Change to the active voice
occurred
show examples
 to the public.
That is
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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people
 tend to put on too much attention for other's life patterns for competing with the wealth and
honor
Change the spelling
honour
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 of others or commenting vicious sentences that would be the main reasons
of
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 illness.
Moreover
, It is convincing that these diseases would transpire the complication of
lifestyle
Change the noun form
lifestyles
show examples
such
 as hospital expenses or hiring lawyer.
For example
, a person should go to
h
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ospital for caring mental problems because of social media for a lifelong span.
Therefore
, to feel secure and relaxation citizens should prefer to live
p
Add an article
the
a
show examples
lain
lifestyle
, not using
technology
. On top of that,
e
Add an article
an
show examples
xtremely extended personal
relationship
 clearly depicts the issue at hand. Indeed, in recent years,
people
 could keep in touch with international
people
 for using new technological programs and make a new friend even strangers. Frankly, the public does not need to contact the entire of friends which would be complex to their
relationship
, but they actually tend to concentrate on plenty of data and information of others. Definitely, it would be interrupted individual spare time which could get peaceful by making meals with family and meeting with closest friends in what are more valuable citizens' lives.
Hence
, needs for reorganizing personal connection lucidly explains an epitome of why I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of reducing
technology
 use. In conclusion,
although
 it may seem that cutting-edge
technology
 would bring
v
Add an article
a
show examples
aluable
lifestyle
, to maintain health and positive
relationship
people
 should reform to utilize
technology
, not relying on too much.
Submitted by kooji6856 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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