IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that technology makes life complex, so we should make our life simpler without using the technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #life
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Nowadays, it is often suggested that
people
Use synonyms
's
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is complicated by the advent of technological advances. Some
people
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 argue that
people
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 should reduce the usage of electronic products because of maintaining peaceful lives. Personally, I agree that the benefits of
lifestyle
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 without modern
technology
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, which ensures positive health condition and proper
relationship
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 among others.
To begin
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 with, health problems obviously demonstrates the matter pertaining to the theme. According to developed scientific
technology
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,
the
Remove the article
apply
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chronic diseases and stress have
been occurred
Change to the active voice
occurred
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 to the public.
That is
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 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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people
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 tend to put on too much attention for other's life patterns for competing with the wealth and
honor
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honour
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 of others or commenting vicious sentences that would be the main reasons
of
Verify preposition usage
for
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 illness.
Moreover
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, It is convincing that these diseases would transpire the complication of
Use synonyms
lifestyle
Change the noun form
lifestyles
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such
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 as hospital expenses or hiring lawyer.
For example
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, a person should go to
h
Add an article
the
a
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ospital for caring mental problems because of social media for a lifelong span.
Therefore
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, to feel secure and relaxation citizens should prefer to live
p
Add an article
the
a
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lain
lifestyle
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, not using
technology
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. On top of that,
e
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an
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xtremely extended personal
relationship
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 clearly depicts the issue at hand. Indeed, in recent years,
people
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 could keep in touch with international
people
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 for using new technological programs and make a new friend even strangers. Frankly, the public does not need to contact the entire of friends which would be complex to their
relationship
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, but they actually tend to concentrate on plenty of data and information of others. Definitely, it would be interrupted individual spare time which could get peaceful by making meals with family and meeting with closest friends in what are more valuable citizens' lives.
Hence
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, needs for reorganizing personal connection lucidly explains an epitome of why I am in
favor
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favour
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 of reducing
technology
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 use. In conclusion,
although
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 it may seem that cutting-edge
technology
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 would bring
v
Add an article
a
show examples
aluable
lifestyle
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, to maintain health and positive
relationship
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people
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 should reform to utilize
technology
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, not relying on too much.
Submitted by kooji6856 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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