IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With an increasingly overweight population some think universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, one considerable issue is the increase in overweight
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some high educational organisations require students to take a physical training course. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain both options to agree and disagree and illustrate my opinion. 
To begin
Linking Words
 with, universities should make
sports
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 an obligatory module in all degrees despite the general subjects; the reason some young adults have weight gain. On the one hand, it is the correct attitude to worry about health for the young generation. Because students better should do any physical movement during study time in class.
For instance
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, Harward University considers enrollment requirements and achievements of
sports
Use synonyms
 success.
Therefore
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, some IVY league universities should make physical culture
classes
Use synonyms
 mandatory. In that example, upper-level schools can consider student health and weight balance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some parents are reluctant to attend
college
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, and universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. The reason is that many individuals prefer academic courses over physical training courses. They think students haven't enough time to training
sports
Use synonyms
 during
college
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 for four years.
For example
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, Specific Law Schools shouldn't require mandatory health and
sports
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
, and pupils need to practice a lot of reading materials. These
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the overweight problem is a personal issue, so if fat
people
Use synonyms
 shouldn't consider themself, it is their problem, but not the university police.  In conclusion, some
people
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 believe that physical education
classes
Use synonyms
 should be mandatory in schools, emphasizing their importance for young adults' development. They are concerned about the well-being of future generations.
On the other hand
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, some argue against requiring physical training
classes
Use synonyms
 in
college
Use synonyms
. I firmly support the idea of making these
classes
Use synonyms
 mandatory, as it is essential to focus on the physical and mental development of adolescents during their
college
Use synonyms
 years.

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task achievement
Consider providing clearer definitions of the terms used in the essay, such as 'compulsory module' and 'mandatory'. This can help to set the context for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to improve the flow of your ideas and enhance the structure of the paragraphs. For example, words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'in addition' can create a smoother transition between points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear idea, and consider providing a stronger topic sentence that encapsulates the paragraph content. This will improve overall clarity.
positive
The essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of different perspectives.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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