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Band 4

It is generally believed that the education is of vital importance to the development of individualsa nd well being of societies what should education consist of to fullfill both these functio

#education #importance #development #individualsa #societies #fullfill #functio
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Education
 plays a vital role in the development of an individual's personality and helps to become a good member of
society
.
However
, it is debatable what should
education
 consist of in order to meet both these traits. In
this
 essay, I will explain about the composition of the
education
. Nowadays,
people
 are more concerned about the knowledge of science and
fictions
Fix the agreement mistake
fiction
show examples
 which helps them to stay updated with the technology.
Although
, it is required the teaching of spirituality and ethics are the most important pillars for the shaping of a good civilian. Not only
this
, it will aid in healing stress and negative vibes in an effective manner.
For instance
, Sadhguru an Indian yogic preacher
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opened a recreation centre to heal several
people
 from across the globe as he teaches
people
 to change their eating habits and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to do meditations which helps in curing various deadly diseases
such
 as cancer, asthma and many more. A person can only be a responsible resident of
society
 if he is educated properly.
Furthermore
,
education
 helps
people
in understanding
Change preposition
understand
show examples
 the value of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ethics and moral conduct which turns them into honest and liable members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. There was a survey conducted by the Indian government in which they revealed that societies which were having residents who were not educated
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to have more issues and fights than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educated members. In conclusion, I would like to state the
education
 system must put a lot of emphasis on moral teachings and ethics despite than the book knowledge.
Thus
, we can have a better and
civilized
Correct quantifier usage
more civilized
show examples
society
.
Submitted by manu281994 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt and fully responds to the task. Provide a clear and direct approach to the topic and avoid going off-topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly present the topic and summarize the main points of the essay. Work on creating a well-structured and cohesive essay with a clear logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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