IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Today’s parents spend too little time staying with their children and use television to make their children keep quiet. Explain the reason and results by using your relevant experience.

#today’s #parents #time #children #television #reason #results
Nowadays
parents
 allocate very little of their
time
 to their
children
 which is especially due to their lack of responsibility. They usually use television and video games as a distraction to keep their
children
 quiet.
parents
 should be aware that these behaviours can endanger the mental health of their
children
. The most important reason for child neglect is priorities. Unfortunately, some
parents
 don't think spending
time
 with their child has any importance.
Therefore
, work becomes their
first
 priority and even after they get home from work, they just want to rest and try to keep their
children
 quiet by giving them whatever they need.
For instance
, I had a very close friend named john in elementary school and I remember he practically never spent more than two minutes talking to his father who was an accountant in a big company.
Therefore
, he was spending all of his
time
 watching tv and playing video games. His father never realized how much john was suffering from
this
 because he just thought his responsibility is to provide food and shelter for his family. Not spending enough
time
 with
children
 may
also
 have serious outcomes. Studies show that most of the individuals who have been neglected by their
parents
 have trust issues in their later life.
This
 is due to their childhood when no one paid attention to their emotional needs and were left by themselves. A lot of these psychological problems are very hard to be treated.
For example
, John spent a lot of
time
 and money to treat and forget his childhood problems. In conclusion, In the
last
 two decades, with the growing complexity of life,
parents
 usually can't find enough
time
 to spend with their
children
 which seriously threatens the overall mentality of their
children
.
Submitted by milad.shoushtari on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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