IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish, while other would argue that rehabilitation is its primary role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that society has to lock and isolate those who do not respect the laws, while others think that a program which includes reintegration in society is much appropriate for those
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
the integration is a better solution, the punishment could lead to other disorders. Nowadays, the crime rate is increasing day by day.Young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to become thieves at an early age and
this
Linking Words
 is because of the lack of education or of poverty.The government should be more implicated in
people
Use synonyms
's life and implement some programs to help them.The society seems to be more implicated in judgement and less implicated in finding a solution.
Moreover
Linking Words
, is more simple to build a
prison
Use synonyms
 compared to ensure a decent level of life and education.
Prison
Use synonyms
 should be a place of rehabilitation
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
not a place where some
people
Use synonyms
 should spend time and be punished for something.In some circumstances violence lead to violence and because of that we do not have to punish anyone for their mistakes, we have to learn those
people
Use synonyms
 to understand the difference between good and bad.Government has an important role in
this
Linking Words
 sense,better laws and rules could lead to a decrease of infractions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who can not be rehabilitated.For those
people
Use synonyms
 the only option is
Use synonyms
p
Add an article
a
the
show examples
rison.The privation of freedom is already a punishment.
This
Linking Words
 punishment depends on the situation and the gravity of the infarction. To conclude
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is preferred to try to rehabilitate a person and not to publish,but in some circumstances
Add a comma
,
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 have to spend their entire life in
prison
Use synonyms
.In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
a
prison
Use synonyms
 has a double role, to rehabilitate and in some circumstances to punish.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: