Today some young people say that their mobile phones are the most important thing they own .Do you think that the popularity of mobile phones is a good or a bad thing?

At present,few teenagers are considering their mobile phones the crucial thing they have.I reckon negative things behind the popularity of cellphones outweigh its few bright
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
.
Firstly
,adults are using digital phones and gadgets without considering the value of their useful time towards their study.It means,they are degrading themselves on educational activities which is more important than other things.
Also
,watching on the screen for long hours and staying at
a
Change the article
the
show examples
same place will affect the vision as well as the physical fitness of
u
Add an article
the
show examples
ser.We can notice many young age people hanging on mobile and playing games over there rather spending their quality time on surfing
i
Add an article
the
show examples
nternet for
education related
Add a hyphen
education-related
show examples
matters.Meanwhile,they are
also
suffering from vision
provlem
Correct your spelling
problem
problems
at an early age.
Secondly
,few young masses are taking their
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
as a basic
requirements
Correct the article-noun agreement
requirement
show examples
of their daily life and they are giving focus on
v
Add an article
the
show examples
irtual
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
of internet.
This
tendency in those group age is making people more introvert and
also
they are losing the and way of following their
ancestors
Change to a genitive case
ancestor's
ancestors'
show examples
cultures and traditions. They are finding
h
Add a pronoun
it
show examples
ard to expose themselves with the outside society and nature.
For instance
,
n
Add an article
the
show examples
ature of the young people on
sociel
Correct your spelling
social
media and with
c
Add an article
the
show examples
ommunity is totally different with a few one. In conclusion,teenagers are giving their maximum time on
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
which is badly becoming the major factor for detioring their education and
also
the problems related
with
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
vision as well as physical fitness.
Submitted by namunakarki23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: