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Band 6

The world’s most urgent problem is caused by over-population. Do you agree or disagree?

#world’s #over-population
It is argued that many countries in the
world
 are facing
with
Verify preposition usage
apply
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one of the most serious
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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, which is
massive
Add an article
a massive
the massive
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 increase in
world’s
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the world’s
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 population. Personally, I completely agree with
this
 view because of its negative effect on human development and
environment
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the environment
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. There are a variety of reasons why the dramatic growth of population in the
world
 brings a harmful effect on the quality of human’s life and global budget as well.
Firstly
, over-population phenomenon has resulted in the lack of accommodation for a large
number
 of people, especially with those living in crowded cities and metropolitan areas.
This
 reason because the small
number
 of available housing
are
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is
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 not able to meet the demand for the need of
living
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the living
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 facility.
As a result
, if people do not have any shelter, they mostly will build an illegal house on the prohibited sectors
such
 as riverbank or top of the hill which are dangerous for them.
Furthermore
, the unemployment rate would be likely to higher because of joblessness that profoundly affected on not only
world
’s economy which makes it go down but
also
 social issues , in
particularly
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particular
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 is the rising of violent
criminal
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crime
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 in the community.
Consequently
, with the
world
’s economy is stagnant and undeveloped, the whole society has witnessed the majority of citizens who turn into offenders with the hopes of earning enough money for making end meets. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I believe that over-population would lead to several issues which are associated with
living
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the living
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 environment.
Firstly
, some consequences including air pollution, contamination of water or land which stem from the massive
number
 of transportation users or the arising of industrial areas.
For example
, over-using a mean of transport mode burning fossil fuel, applying chemical fertilisers into the field of agricultural and discharging toxic waste into water resources all lead to greenhouse gas emission that causes environmental damage severely.
Secondly
, some endangered species of animal would be on the brink of extinction if there is no longer living inhabitant.
This
 would mean that people are cutting down
tree
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a tree
the tree
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 or even killing animals for living purposes as building houses, schools, hospitals, modern facilities and being main food resources for the massive
number
 of civilians in the
world
. In conclusion, I believe that the phenomenon of
over-population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
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 should be
top-priority
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a top-priority
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 concern to many national governments in the
world
.
Submitted by luckydeep70 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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