Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit

What

teenagers

should do with their spare

time

has become a topic for debate. Some are of the opinion that

this

time

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used for beneficial

community

work. I strongly agree with

this

because of the leadership traits it will groom in children, it is a great way to spend

time

, and

also

, support for the elderly is improved.

Firstly

, partaking in activities

such

this

prepare children to be leaders in future.

For example

Dr.

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Martin Luther

king

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King

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, known to be a very passionate leader used to help

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apply

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the

community

by serving them in ways

such

as cleaning up the street

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and helping the elderly run on errands, even doing some menial work for them.

Furthermore

, When young adults assist in nurturing a

community

it fosters a sense of responsibility in them, and

this

bodes well for society.

Secondly

, working

for

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show examples

the immediate environment is

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

way to exercise. Research

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

shows that

teenagers

in India suffer

health related

Add a hyphen

health-related

show examples

problems because they allocate too much

time

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle

Change the noun form

lifestyles

show examples

such

as watching tv shows, cartoons, and playing video games.

Consequently

, 2 in every 5 India child suffer some sort of ailment

such

as back pain caused by the sedentary lifestyle.

Finally

, when

teenagers

assist the elderly, it makes them happy and

this

contributes positively to the social life of their communities. To conclude, when

teenagers

are partly responsible for their immediate environment, it builds positive traits, it is a good way to work out, and

also

fosters togetherness. Thereby, leading to a better

community

for all.

Submitted by shabimichael on Tue Feb 16 2021

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

required
unpaid
community work
benefit
teenagers
life skills
volunteering
empathy
compassion
socially aware
responsible
interact
diverse backgrounds
cultural understanding
tolerance
work experience
essential skills
employment
interests
passions
career development
contribute
betterment
development
local community
mental well-being
stress
self-esteem
burden
academic
personal lives
time management
support
balance
participate
encouraged
numerous benefits
individuals
conclusion

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