IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many working people get little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. -Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? -Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is an ever-increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 that do not do enough exercise at work and
as a result
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, these
people
Use synonyms
 can develop health-related problems.
This
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 essay will explain the causes and deliver some solution in order to tackle
this
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 trend.
First
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 off, there are two important reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 do not like doing exercises, one reason is about
people
Use synonyms
's heavy workload. Employees like computer engineers have to work so far more than 10 hours every day in front of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
computers to finish their duties . To illustrate, I have been working for IT company for 8 years and I realize that I keep sitting almost 4 hours without rest so as to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 the requirements on time, which strike me as detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 my health.
Furthermore
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, another reason is that even though some young
people
Use synonyms
 are aware of health-related problems , they would rather posting photos or chatting with their friends rather than playing
a sports
Correct the article-noun agreement
sports
a sport
show examples
.
i
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I
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 will suggest 2 solutions based on governments' policies.
Firstly
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,I would rather the government propelled health campaigns on the mass media so that more
people
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 raise awareness about being sedentary and its possible consequences;
therefore
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, more
people
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 might prevent from suffering health conditions
such
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 as obesity and heart attacks.
In addition
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, Governments must create a law so that companies have facilities where
people
Use synonyms
 working are able to do
exercise
Add an article
the exercise
show examples
 one day a week at least. To sum up, even though
people
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 do not realize the importance of doing exercises and their negative effects, I consider that the main cases are about the availability of exercising in employment laws and
people
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's awareness. So, it would be great if the government took action on it by implementing laws so that more
people
Use synonyms
 may reflect on
this
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 issue.

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