IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Enviroment are far too big for individuals to solve

#enviroment #individuals
As we know,in
this
 modern age technology has been developing recently and demand a lot of human's need.
However
 because there more buildings need to grow and there is a
limited
Replace the word
limitation
show examples
 of space
hence
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 cut a vast of
trees
 in order to replace buildings and houses.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
environment
also
 affected by the huge amount of CO2 from the transportation that's why nowadays
people
 start to look after the mother earth.
However
,in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 no matter how little they try to do for the
environment
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe that
this
 will make a huge difference rather than just do nothing. One the reason is the technology is rising too fast and
that is
 a good sign of development but on
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side,it could
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 our forest to take risks because more lands are needed to build houses,schools,hospitals and buildings ... .
However
,there are still groups of
people
 against trimming green
trees
 to protect our
environment
 but to encourage others is a big problem for them.Sometime,we could see lots of sign talking about how green
environment
 important to us or a tribe of volunteers is collecting garbages but those things are not hard as many
people
 think.
In contrast
, If many
people
 keep their
environment
 fresh
this
 will make
a big changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
big changes
a big change
show examples
 for us but if many
people
 don't want to follow
then
 it will vice versa . Still, many governments or large companies
also
 encourage
people
 to do volunteers or growing more
trees
 to keep our life greener and fresher.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 spent millions of dollar to maintain our forests,
plantting
Correct your spelling
planting
 more
trees
 ... but so far it
is still depend
Change the verb form
still depends
show examples
 on
people
's discipline by that way our target on healing mother earth could be accomplished . To sum up,it is very important to keep our ecosystem free of pollutants but
however
 a big company spending a lot of
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
show examples
moneys
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
 to fix our
environment
 it is still a lot depending on
people
's discipline about protecting our
trees
Submitted by thien on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: