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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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These days, numerous individuals would rather take
medications
Use synonyms
 and get some alternative treatments than visit their usual doctors;
however
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
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 is considered a harmful action, causing their health to be at risk.
Initially
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,
due to
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 the ever-changing situation of the world and the alteration of lifestyles, human beings witness a more comprehensive range of unknown diseases. A vast majority of these diseases are caused by viruses and microbes which had not existed before.
Accordingly
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, self-cure, using alternative medicines, and sometimes taking placebos can deteriorate the illness.
For instance
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, a person who suffers from cancer may be required to have other types of drugs
instead
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 of taking the regular ones.
Therefore
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, if he stops being visited by the doctor, he may be causing himself to have his illness exacerbated.
On the other hand
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, a number of alternative
methods
Use synonyms
 of treatment are believed to be herbal
medications
Use synonyms
, mental treatments, etc.
Moreover
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, there are countless people who assert that the growing amount of chemical treatment
methods
Use synonyms
 has damaged our environment
as well as
Linking Words
 escalated the number of sicknesses. As an example, I would mention some senior generations who believe that traditional
methods
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 of medical sciences and herbal
medications
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 are more influential.
Likewise
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, they trust these traditional
methods
Use synonyms
 as they believe that they had a lesser amount of disease affliction in the past and that chemical medication itself is a reason for catching an illness. In conclusion, considering all the above-mentioned points, I am inclined to believe that
diagnosis
Correct article usage
the diagnosis
show examples
 of a disease, determining the required
medications
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 and even changing the method of treatment must be monitored by an expert medical doctor.

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coherence and cohesion
For future essays, consider diversifying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
To further improve task achievement, try to provide more varied and detailed examples to support your viewpoints. This helps demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
introduction
Your introduction sets a clear stance on the topic, which is excellent for guiding your argument.
structure
You have a logical structure that effectively introduces, develops, and concludes your argument, maintaining a good flow throughout the essay.
task response
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, providing a clear opinion and reasoning to support your view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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