IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?"

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A sizeable amount of
children
Use synonyms
 play
computer
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games
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 as a lot of individuals have extensive access to computers. 
This
Linking Words
 essay will suggest that increased physical violence in
children
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 that engage in
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computer
Add an article
a computer
show examples
game
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 is a huge negative impact and engaging
children
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 in
kid friendly
Add a hyphen
kid-friendly
show examples
computer
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 entertainment will reduce the unwelcome effect of
video
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games
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.      
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase
show examples
 in physical violence amongst
children
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 who play
games
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 is the biggest negative impact. Millions of
children
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 who engage in
video
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games
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 are exposed to gaming  characters  that use guns, swords, knives as part of the entertainment that the
game
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 provides.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,some
games
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 involve
combact
Correct your spelling
combat
 ,killing a character to proceed to the
next
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 stage and win a
price
Correct your spelling
prize
show examples
 .
As a result
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 of
this
Linking Words
 ,
children
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 who are quick learners are tempted to try out these actions seen during gaming
such
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 as  fighting even without a trigger ,using knives in a samurai fight. These can bring about serious injuries. To illustrate , an article in the
new
Change the capitalization
New
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 York Times 2011 mentioned that the mortal combat
game
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 series triggered a series of fights amongst
children
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 in downtown Harlem and Queens .        A possible solution to aid
reducing
Change preposition
in reducing
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 the unpleasant effect would be switching
computer
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games
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 with more mind engaging
kid friendly
Add a hyphen
kid-friendly
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 .
Games
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such
Linking Words
 as spelling bee ,chess,  scrabble should be made available and accessible in computers for youngsters because they are intellectually stimulating and would be more beneficial to their word  development as well as academics.  Japan is one country were
video
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game
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 evolved
from
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apply
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,they have successfully lessened the
video
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game
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 effect on
children
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 by developing more engaging educational
games
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     In conclusion,  rising fury in youngsters is one of the negative
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
  playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
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 ,a possible solution would be to provide more intellectually stimulating educational
games
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 already utilised by countries like Japan.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • inappropriate content
  • social skills
  • isolation
  • academic performance
  • time limits
  • parental supervision
  • age-appropriate
  • physical activities
  • digital literacy
  • balanced computer usage
  • excessive gaming
What to do next:
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