Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit

There is no doubt that voluntary

community

work

is important. It is thought that adolescents should participate in unpaid

community

work

during their leisure time because it benefits them and

also

the

community

. I agree with the latter and I will explain my reasons in

this

essay.

To begin

with, participating in charity events is beneficial for teenagers.

This

is because they can use their energy and enthusiasm in good fields.

In other words

, adolescents are at a stage of exploring themselves and they tend to feel independent.

Accordingly

, when

this

power is guided

into

Change preposition

show examples

the right way by helping other people, they shall be brought up to be reliable citizens.

Moreover

, participating in

such

events allows them to meet poor and homeless people,

as a

result

Add a comma

,result

show examples

they would value the life they are living and the facilities their parents offering them.

Furthermore

, unpaid

community

work

has many positive impacts on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. One of which is that it contributes

Change preposition

show examples

decreasing the crime rate.

This

is because street gangs manipulate teenagers easily and convince them to join the gangs in order to earn more money and feel strong. Another impact is that it helps in saving money for the government which can be redirected to essential projects.

Consequently

, more job opportunities would be available leading to the nation's economy flourishing. To conclude, voluntary

community

work

is crucial not only for adolescents because it aids them to be effective human beings, but

also

for society due to contributing to minimizing crimes and improving the economy.

Submitted by rafaianasr91 on Sat Feb 20 2021

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

required
unpaid
community work
benefit
teenagers
life skills
volunteering
empathy
compassion
socially aware
responsible
interact
diverse backgrounds
cultural understanding
tolerance
work experience
essential skills
employment
interests
passions
career development
contribute
betterment
development
local community
mental well-being
stress
self-esteem
burden
academic
personal lives
time management
support
balance
participate
encouraged
numerous benefits
individuals
conclusion

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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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You are bothered by the amount of trash in your local park.Write a letter to the head of the city park department .In your letter: • Describe the problem with the trash • Explain why it is a problem • Say what you think the city should do.

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