IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Traffic congestion and housing problems in larger cities could be solved by moving large industries and factories and their employees to the rural areas. What extent do you agree or disagree ?

#traffic #congestion #cities #industries #factories #employees #areas
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It is argued that big cities Could move industries and factories with their workers to rural in order to address
traffic
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 congestion and housing
problems
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. I strongly disagree with the statement for many reasons as will be illustrated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with , it is important to notice that many people live in the countryside to escape from
traffic
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 and accommodation
issues
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, so establishing factors in their region will cause new
issues
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 like an increase in the number of migrants to big cities .
For example
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, a few years ago residents in the Middle East complained about an increased number of oil factories in their rural areas which brought different
problems
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 like the housing crisis
as a result
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 of moving the employees . On
this
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 basis, they decided to move to a big city .
Therefore
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 the
traffic
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 will get worse
as well as
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 the housing
problems
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. Another significant reason is the rates of pollution will be increased in both areas .
As a
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result
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result,
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 it leads to damage to the environment from all aspects . which they had to protect as essential to survive in a healthy atmosphere .
For instance
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, facing a wide variety of dangerous conditions leads to fires and health
issues
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 for people like asthma and injuries .
To sum up
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 , it is not an effective way to tackle
traffic
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 and housing
problems
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 to place industry or factories in the countryside as it causes multiple
issues
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 like destroying the ecosystem which in turn leads to forcing people to leave their houses and moving to the biggest city
Submitted by rwnalanezi on

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task achievement
Strengthen your argumentation by elaborating more on how relocating industries specifically leads to increased migration to cities.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to reinforce your main points, especially regarding pollution and its effects.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are interconnected, leading smoothly from one idea to the next for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the topic, setting a good foundation for the argument.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that effectively summarizes your argument against relocating industries to rural areas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both traffic congestion and housing problems.
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