IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Crimes in any form tend to mar the beauty of a society. A few individuals hold that the accused juveniles should be apprehended,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that the legal guardians should be held accountable for the youth’s misdeeds. I will discuss both the views and give my opinion in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the latter. To start with, a certain lot believes that teenagers should be disciplined for their ill acts. As their actions end up affecting their academic performance, it is necessary to punish them,
inorder
Use the right word
in order
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 to prevent them from securing bad results.
This
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 approach would contribute to better grades in the future,
thus
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 opening up pathways to lucrative careers. To support
this
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 idea, let me take the example of A-level students in Japan, who secured exceptional grades after undergoing punitive measures to quit criminal activities and focus on their studies.
This
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 shows that penalties play a crucial role in making appropriate choices in life.
On the other hand
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, there is a group that believes caregivers should be punished for children’s wrongdoings. Since parents are responsible for the youth’s well-being, they should ensure that they invest time in guiding their behaviour. Any inattention would lead the child to develop unacceptable habits which prove dangerous in the future. A recent survey in Japan has concluded that 50 per cent of the children involved in street crimes blamed their parents for not teaching them the ethical standards to navigate society, emphasising the idea that it is the caretakers who are to be held accountable for the actions of the adolescents. To summarise,
although
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 young adults must have the capacity to distinguish right from wrong, I believe parents play a pivotal role in channelising the youth’s energy towards positive behaviour outcomes, thereby minimising the need for punishment.

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task
Explain both views more evenly and show balanced discussion before giving your own view.
task
Add specific, clear examples that are easy to verify, avoid fragile or unverifiable claims.
language
Fix small grammar errors and awkward phrases (e.g., inorder -> in order, use better word order).
coherence
Use clear linking to move from one idea to the next and avoid long, tangled sentences.
structure
Clear position is stated in the conclusion and the essay follows a two-side discussion.
coherence
Good use of basic linking words like \'On the other hand\' and \'To start with\'.
content
Introduction sets the topic and invites the reader to think.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • children
  • commit
  • crimes
  • punished
  • parents
  • responsible
  • teach
  • right
  • wrong
  • society
  • consequences
  • learn
  • rules
  • guidance
  • behavior
  • future
  • anger
  • resentment
  • upbringing
  • accountable
  • moral
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