The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Owing to the problems which a growing population of overweight people cause for the
health
care system, some people think that the key to solving these issues is to have more
sport
and exercise in
schools
. In my opinion, I completely agree that
this
is the best way to tackle the issue of deteriorating public
health
in relation to weight.
Firstly
, dealing with the issues surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing more
sport
and exercise in
schools
.
This
method will ensure that the
next
generation will be healthier and will not have
such
health
problems. At the moment, the average child in the West does
sport
possibly twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their
otherwise
sedentary lifestyle.
However
, by incorporating more sports classes into the curriculum as well as encouraging extracurricular sports activities, they will undoubtedly become fitter and more active. Another point to consider is that having more sports lessons for
children
in
schools
will probably result in
children
developing an interest in exercise which might filter through to other members of their family and have a
longer lasting
Add a hyphen
longer-lasting

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effect.
In other words
, parents with sporty
children
are more likely to get involved in
sport
Add an article
the sport

The noun phrase sport seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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as a way of encouraging their
children
. By both parents and
children
being involved, it will ensure that
children
grow up to incorporate
sport
into their daily lives.
This
is
certainly
Add a comma
,certainly

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase certainly. Consider adding a comma.

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a natural and lasting way to improve public
health
. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing
sport
in
schools
is the easiest and most effective method to use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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