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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

#people #behavior #sportsmen #field #players
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There has been an on-going debate about the responsibilities of celebrities, especially
athletes
 to well-behaved in their personal
lives
. While many people argue that the only criteria of
athletes
 are their
performance
 in sport fields, some believe that their daily behaviours are
also
 influential to the public. From my perspective, it is necessary to take the personal issues of sportsmen into consideration. Without doubts, the determining factor that makes an atheles famous is his or her
sports
 ability. If society pays too much attention to their private
lives
 rather than their
performance
, they will have to pay extra efforts in maintaining their images,
instead
 of practising what really important for their
sports
 career.
In addition
, the privacy of these professional
athletes
 needs sufficient protection. Nowadays, the privacy of those living under the focus of media is prone to be harmed, for almost all their personal actions are under surveillance.
Nevertheless
, not only does an athlete need excellent
sports
performance
, but
also
 they ought to behave well in their personal
lives
.
This
 is because any inappropriate actions or scandals
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could lead to a huge negative impact on society. The prosperity of a range of
sports
 globally
tohas
Correct your spelling
has
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to an overwhelming concern on the personal
lives
 of the sportsmen. Take many well-known basketball players in the NBA as examples, it is not surprising to see their marriages and scandals becoming the most heatedly-discussed topics in the newspapers. As the consequence of
such
 great influence, any of their unjust actions may become bad examples for the public. To put everything into consideration, some agree with the opinion above since the most significant quality of an athlete is his or her professional
performance
 and their privacy should be well-protected.
However
, I support the opposite view since their
athletes
Change to a genitive case
athlete's
athletes'
show examples
 behaviours are too impactful to the public.
Submitted by Matthew on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • media-driven
  • publicized
  • public opinion
  • societal norms
  • brand representation
  • sponsors
  • inappropriate behavior
  • team dynamics
  • morale
  • personal accountability
  • public image
  • career and legacy
  • off-field behavior
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