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Band 4

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
Young
people
 make the decision to spend more free time doing volunteer community work,
instead
 of playing computer games and watching movies on the smartphone. I deeply agree that
this
 kind of activities can definitely help adolescences collect many skills,
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and experiences.
To begin
 with, teenagers can help local communities do many volunteer activities as they are energetic and willing to learn communication skills and gain valuable experiences. In the nursing home, young
people
 can read books, talk about news and walk with elderly
people
, assist
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disabled
people
 pushing wheelchairs.
Therefore
, they should give a hand to the others who are living around them.
Additionally
, There are many juveniles who prefer spending their leisure time on computers and smartphones without face to face interacting with others.
This
 kind of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 may impair teenagers’ psychological health, including unsociability and indifference. When they grow up and earn a living, they may not able to
adapt
Verify preposition usage
toadapt
show examples
 society and to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their potentials.
In contrast
, doing volunteer works for the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 will allow youngsters to confront different
people
 and learning how to get along with them, to encounter different issues and gain
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and skills to address them. As
Correct the word
a
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 result, It is a positive benefit for teenagers to do unpaid community works. In conclusion, Contributing effort for the community brings many advantages to young
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and helps them to establish their goals in the future.
Submitted by henrybeee on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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