Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #media #sports #stars #development

Young

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The young

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generation is showing an immense admiration for

populare

Correct your spelling

popular

media

and

sports

celebrities these days

although

they are not perfect role models for them. In my opinion, I believe that

this

phenomenon has a negative impact on younger adults. One of the detrimental

aspect

Change to a plural noun

aspects

show examples

of emulating famous stars is that young people are more likely to learn bad behaviour from them.

This

is because

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

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generation

tend

Change the verb form

tends

show examples

to worship these idols and follow their footsteps in everything

ingnoring

Correct your spelling

ignoring

the negative aspect of their actions. Some teenagers watch famous

media

and

sports

stars doing reckless actions,

such

as drug abuse, fightings and frauds, and

therefore

they become more propensity to engage in negative activities as

way

Add an article

a way

show examples

of showing off love to their role models. For that reason, young adults are not aware of the repercussions of imitating

media

and

sports

renowned individuals. Another serious drawback of

this

development is that some of these celebrities encourage young individuals to go against cultural beliefs. They form strong beliefs when they see that their

idoles

Correct your spelling

idols

have broken all the traditional norms so that they could enforce their perspectives regardless of what their societies thought about them. A typical example of

this

trend is when some famous

muslim

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Muslim

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women announced removing their scarfs, which made thousands of

muslim

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Muslim

show examples

girls doing the same thing and

this

was against their

religon

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religion

This

would trigger youngers to

rebal

Correct your spelling

rebel

against their communities rules

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

consequently

would cause social

instablitiy

Correct your spelling

instability

. To sum up, it is often

urgued

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argued

urged

that

media

and

sports

celeberated

Correct your spelling

celebrated

individuals are not always

suitable

Add an article

a suitable

show examples

role model for young adults because

this

trend would stimulate them to break their cultural traditions as well as show bad attitude.

Submitted by khadega.amer09 on Sun Mar 07 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

media personalities
sports icons
role models
admiration
influence
behavior
mindset
values
unethical behavior
healthy lifestyles
social media platforms
celebrity culture
career aspirations
educational goals
positive change
ethical standards
amplify
idolize
public perception
impressionable

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Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

We should return to traditional and older values of respect for family and community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In a number of countries around the world, income inequality is a growing issue. What are the causes of income inequality and how it can be dealt with?