IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
Most of the
masses
 prefer to spend their leisure
time
 to watch
silver
screen
this
 makes them too lazy and antisocial from others, in my opinion, I completely agree with the given statement because most the
television
 broadcast are additive and the
masses
 consume too much
time
 that can spend with kith and kind as well as continuously watching
television
 in single position made an effect on joints and eyes
masses
 get isolated from the real world
to begin
 with the usage of the
silver
screen
 in free
time
 meet the individual on social and lazy towards their work because
television
 set is easy to operate and most common electronic gadget in every house individual spend 2 to 3 hours to watch their favourite serial and movie, as well as family members, wait for their turn that takes too much valuable
time
 that folks can spend with their family members and make better relationship for their upcoming period of life master yourself
screen
 for a loan period they get distracted from the real world
for example
 as per the survey of BBC news big portion of
masses
 have bad bondage with their near ones by spending more
time
 on a
television
 set
Furthermore
 , the
silver
screen
 did not offer any kind of physical exercise I must spend 3 to 4 hours continuously watching a show in the same position it creates a bad effect on their joint bones and leads toward weak eyes
moreover
 it
also
 creates a bad influence on the
masses
 by watching violence and crime-related content on
television
 handmade bad effect on their mind
for instance
 as per the survey of Japan government 60% crime cases are planned from the crime serials which give rise to bad future of
masses
 and made them too lazy to do work in daily routine due to excessive usage of the
silver
screen
 to conclude if
masses
 use
television
 wisely what is the best source of information but I believe that if
masses
 use a
silver
screen
 for a long period that leads to bad health and gets distracted from the real world
Submitted by rajeev kumar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: