IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a group of people thinking that work is really essential in their lives, and life becomes uninteresting if a career is not included in people's perspectives.
This
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 essay will discuss that
while
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 occupation opportunities are really important for society in terms of fame and glory, they can seem reluctant to those who avoid working
due to
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 laziness or lack of motivation.
To begin
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 with, getting involved in a lot of practices gives employees a chance to meet crucial figures who are able to assist them in future plans.
In other words
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, workers are prone to investigate new persons and positions in order to discover their paths and be recognized by important individuals.
For instance
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, statistics have shown that more than
a
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apply
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half of
participants
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the participants
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 chose glory
instead
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 of a confidential life because of opportunities they may obtain from various popular humans.
On the other hand
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, for the remaining population, it may be hard to follow their roads, leading to frustration and a shortcoming of interest in their occupations.
That is
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, without the willingness, it is impossible to adhere to duties which are essential for success. Specifically, if the students in schools have some issues with discipline, it will affect their academic results and attendance. In conclusion,
whereas
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 the public tends to get more attention from others, boringness and involvement can lead to distraction and be the reason for termination. From my point of view, I believe that the population should be more attracted to working, stimulating young generations to attempt more.

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Task Achievement
Provide clearer arguments to support your points. The ideas presented could be deeper and more specific, especially regarding the importance of work. Also, ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant to the argument you're making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should contain a single, clear main idea, and the transition between your points should be smoother to enhance reader understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates your position, connecting back to the introduction to create a cohesive essay.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic by acknowledging both the importance of work and the challenges faced by individuals who do not find motivation.
Task Achievement
You have made an effort to use relevant examples and statistics to back up your points, which is commendable and shows an attempt at depth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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