IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give yours own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While the
parents
Use synonyms
’ responsibility is to build their
children
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good citizen, others believe that
school
Use synonyms
 is the place where
children
Use synonyms
 learn how to be
a good members
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good member
good members
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
. I will discuss both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of views with my opinion. Generally, some people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the best teacher of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to learn good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Most of the time
children
Use synonyms
 spend
day
Add an article
the day
a day
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
 create a close relationship
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 may obey their
parents
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and can learn about
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
 manner and social value or ethics from their home.
For example
Linking Words
, many kids resemble their father as a
super hero
Correct your spelling
superhero
show examples
 and they always copy his activities, result in,
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 would do
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 things as they observed.
That is
Linking Words
 why, I think,
parents
Use synonyms
 could take a vital role to teach their wellspring social norms and ethics.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
School
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
responsibilities to develop their student with
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 characteristic that help them
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 a good person of
society
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 staff know several
Change to a plural noun
strategies
show examples
strategy
Verify preposition usage
onstrategy
ofstrategy
show examples
 how to motivate their students
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
 something good which is
blessing
Add an article
a blessing
show examples
 for others.
For instance
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 organize different voluntary workshops which encourage
children
Use synonyms
 involving various social activities making them
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good members of
society
Use synonyms
. So, it cannot be omitted the role of
school
Use synonyms
 to learn good things for
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
Parents
Use synonyms
 and schools both have individual responsibilities to build
children
Use synonyms
 as
a good members
Correct the article-noun agreement
good members
a good member
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
. So, It is difficult to
thinks
Change the verb
think
show examples
avoiding
Change preposition
about avoiding
show examples
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s life.
Submitted by m.hpl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: