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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In many countries around the world, the rural population is declining as more
people
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 migrate to urban
areas
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 in search of better opportunities and improved living standards.
While
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this
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 shift may seem beneficial in some aspects, I believe it is a negative development
due to
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 its impact on urban congestion, environmental
pollution
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, and agricultural decline. One major drawback of rural-to-urban migration is overcrowding in cities, which leads to increased
pollution
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 and traffic congestion. As more
people
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 settle in urban
areas
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 for a better lifestyle, the number of vehicles on the roads rises, resulting in severe traffic jams and excessive carbon emissions.
This
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 contributes to air
pollution
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, making cities less livable.
For instance
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, in metropolitan cities like Bangalore and Hyderabad, rapid population growth has significantly worsened traffic conditions and air quality.
Additionally
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,
people
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 from rural
areas
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 may struggle to adapt to the fast-paced urban lifestyle, leading to stress and reduced quality of life. Another significant issue is the decline in agricultural productivity. As more rural residents leave for city-based corporate jobs, fewer
people
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 remain in the countryside to engage in farming.
This
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 causes a reduction in food production, leading to shortages and increased reliance on food imports.
For example
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, Japan heavily depends on imported farm products because a majority of its population prefers working in corporate sectors rather than in agriculture.
This
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 shift threatens food security and raises concerns about long-term sustainability. In conclusion, the migration of rural populations to urban
areas
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 has several negative consequences, including overpopulation,
pollution
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, and agricultural decline.
While
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 urbanization may offer better job prospects, its disadvantages outweigh the benefits, making it an unsustainable trend in the long run. Governments should implement policies to promote rural development and encourage
people
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 to remain in the countryside.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences relate directly to that idea. While your essay generally has good structure, some points could be more tightly organized.
task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed conclusion that summarizes your main arguments more explicitly. This can help reinforce your position and leave a stronger impression on the reader.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly articulates your stance on the issue, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility of your arguments and demonstrates good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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