IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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There is no doubt that in some nations the average
weight
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of the people is rising may cause a decreased level of fitness and health.
The
Correct article usage
A

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 sedentary lifestyle and food habits are the main reasons for these problems.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, changing diet and doing regular exercise may solve these issues. The vital reason
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the obesity of the population which may lead to several physical difficulties is eating habits. Nowadays, most of the residents of the countries work outside of their homes for a long time.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they do not get enough time to make
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals

It seems that meal may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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at
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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home.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they depend on ready-made foods that contain high-level calories and cholesterols which may lead to
weight
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 gain. Another reason is doing less physical activities.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people complete their work sitting on
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 chair using
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 laptop
that
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 discourages them from going outside and doing
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts

It seems that workout may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 regularly. That’s why, they become obese resulting in several physiological issues like high blood pressure, Diabetics, etc. To solve these problems, one should avoid packaging ready foods and take daily physical activities. Generally, factory-based products contain high cholesterols and preservatives. The cholesterols increase the deposition of fat in the stomach
lead
Wrong verb form
leading

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb lead. Consider changing it.

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 to a rising
weight
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and some preservatives cause some serious difficulties. So, changing diet patterns may help to reduce the
weight
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 gain process of the body.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, regular exercise keeps your fitness strong and helps to burn deposited fat
of
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the body.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, 30 minutes of walking every day can balance blood-glucose levels in humans. In conclusion,
taking
Verb problem
doing

There may be a verb use issue here.

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 daily exercise and avoiding factory-made foods help to maintain good health and to keep
fitness
Replace the word
fit

The word fitness doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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