IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The unlimited use of car caused many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use car? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#car #people
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It is undeniable that
cars
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 offer flexibility and comfort, so owning a car has become essential for
people
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.
However
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, the excessive
use
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 of
cars
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 leads to a wide range of problems that we need to address. The widespread
use
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 of private
cars
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 has contributed to environmental issues.
Firstly
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, driving
cars
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 need to consume a certain amount of fuel to commute and travel from one place to another place. It is reported that car exhaust is released from these activities into the
air
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, which is the main reason for urban
air
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 pollution, greenhouse gas, global warming and other consequences.
Secondly
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, the surrounding living environment could be polluted seriously. The more
people
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 drive
cars
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, the more the
air
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 is vulnerable to being contaminated by harmful emissions from car driving,
hence
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, polluted
air
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 may pose a threat to human health
such
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 as respiration cancer, and cough. To solve these problems listed above, many
people
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 suggest that the government should impose a strict restriction on the
use
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 of
cars
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. From my perspective,
this
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 is not the best option because it will reduce mobility and convenience for
people
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. I think the best way for manufacturers is to design eco-friendly
cars
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such
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 as electric
cars
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.
In addition
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, in order to lower the carbon footprint from the great number of private
cars
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 on the road, the government could consider building more underground tunnels and encourage participants to
use
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 public transportation.
As a result
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, the
air
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 would become fresher and reduce the risk of diseases to humans. In conclusion, rather than trying to discourage
people
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 from using
cars
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, there are still many positive ways to resolve problems in the long term time
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should address a different aspect of the topic and should logically follow the one before it.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should clearly reflect the topic and your stance on it. Make sure to restate your main argument in the conclusion to give the essay a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Provide concrete examples or evidence to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Be sure to discuss both the problems caused by the unlimited use of cars and whether discouraging car use is the optimal solution.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Make sure each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea with sufficient detail and explanation.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Drawing on personal, historical, or widely recognized examples can enhance the credibility of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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