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Writing Samples
Band 5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #outweigh
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In the modern world, technology has created an affirmative as well as a detrimental impact on both adults and
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation. Even though some support the fact that children spend a lot of time on technological innovations, others
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 the exact opposite of it. In my opinion,
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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on
Change preposition
of
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 the over usage of modern technology.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, young individuals especially teenagers are addicted to social platforms to
great
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a great
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 extent as they tend to spend more time
on
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apply
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surfing through these networks.
As a result
Linking Words
,
number
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the number
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 of adolescents engaged
with
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in
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 outdoor activities ae rapidly decreasing.
For instance
Linking Words
, social networks like Facebook, Instagram or shopping sites like Amazon attracts young individuals to browse
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 without any breaks.
In addition
Linking Words
, video games with high definition graphics could tie teenagers to sit
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the screen during their free time without any social interaction. Some of the examples include
playstation
Correct your spelling
PlayStation
, Xbox and computer games.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would affect their mental health and would reduce their ability to mingle with other people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it could affect their physical health as well.
However
Linking Words
, there are some advantages as well with the usage of modern
machineries
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machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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. Modern technologies
has
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have
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 some positive aspects as well which could improve their knowledge about what is happening around the globe with the latest news. Advanced
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 like computer or smartphone could easily help a child to know about the latest news which could attribute to their general knowledge and
moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could be used to improve their academic skills as well. To illustrate, some of the websites like Youtube, Google or BBC News could satisfy young peoples hunger for the updated information. To
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, in my opinion, demerits outweigh the merits
on
Change preposition
of
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 the usage of modern world advancements because the
overusage
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overuse
over usage
 of
such
Linking Words
 tools could affect them both mentally and physically which
inturn
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in turn
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 affect a country's growth as they are the foundation. Parents have a crucial in the upbringing of their kids would later help the future
geneation
Correct your spelling
generation
 to be successful in their career.
Submitted by Ashith on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
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