Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, having a smartphone is converted to a fundamental requirement that without it , life will be arduous and difficult.
Nonetheless
, using a smartphone for hours is never recommended, because it can waste your
time
with nonsense. The majority of Children use
smartphones
for long-lasting. It seems that they are surrounded by technologies
such
as
smartphones
. In my opinion, it is a negative advance and in
this
essay, I will explain my opinion with examples.
Firstly
,
smartphones
are built for distraction and engaging juveniles. In fact, they are constructed in order to toddlers do not have efficient
time
for learning and gaining valuable experience and it reduces brain function.
For example
, spending
time
with friends and siblings is effective for morale,
instead
of putting
head
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a head
the head
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on the phone and playing with it.
Secondly
, using
smartphones
for a long
time
can cause irreparable damage which includes, inaction, obesity and sleeplessness
as well as
mental disorders.
In other words
, not only children will damaged physically, but they
also
will damaged mentally. They will be lonely, because they spend their
time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just phone games,
instead
of hanging out with peers.
On the other hand
, youngsters can use
smartphones
in order to watch suitable movies and read good books,
Due to
access to
smartphones
children can use phones,
instead
of carrying heavy books and stationery.
For example
, They can have a virtual class and space of learning, without any bother. All in all, as can be seen from the points in
this
essay, I think negative development outweighs positive advance. You should bear in mind that using
smartphones
for juveniles must be in the framework,
otherwise
, it can be damaging.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use clearer topic sentences and make stronger connections between your paragraphs. Try to smoothly transition from one idea to the next.
task achievement
To enhance task response, provide more detailed examples to support your points. This can help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion, stating it is a negative development, which helps clarify your stance on the subject.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps with the logical flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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