IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

More and more children are accessing the Internet unsupervised. This can sometimes put them at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the Internet? How can this problem be solved?

#children #internet #risk #parents #face
These days the technology is growing day by day in which the internet became so easy to access,
hence
 many pupils are using
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 services without
parents
 vision,
this
 might cause a huge problem.
This
 essay will discuss the risks and solutions for children using data without adults presence.
Firstly
, in
this
 modern ,era LAN services are one of the most valuable resources for people who want to
use
 them for cheating.
For example
, it recent times one of the teenager while playing a game without any supervision of their guardian, he spent 1 million dollars with a credit card just by clicking an advertisement which a hacker has installed in that particular game. To avoid
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 issues they should not give any authority to
use
 their credit cards to the children and
this
 sort of games must be
initially
 played by
parents
 and
then
 they should provide it to their kids.
Secondly
, more teenagers are using social networks with the help of the internet, while mother and father are not watching them which became a major issue.
For instance
, an article released by BBC has mentioned that the people who are getting addicted while watching uncensored content through social media are mostly between the age of 12-18. To
use
 social networks by humankind who are below the age of 18 should require identification proof along with the letter of permission from
parents
 to be uploaded in order to
use
 all options. To conclude, as there are many threats involved by using the internet, it is advised that to access all the services by children they should provide the purpose, ID and a grant letter from
parents
 which it can immediately show the effects and develop the future generation.
Submitted by deekshit973 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: