IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to reduce traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for elderly ones. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and any relevant examples.

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It is believed that raising the
age
Use synonyms
 to get a driving license and prohibiting seniors earlier from driving can tackle the issue of traffic crashes I disagree with
this
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 phenomenon as I hold the idea that we can overcome
this
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problem
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 by
enhance things
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 driving manners
moreover
Linking Words
 the older people get the more experienced they become unless they suffer from some specific diseases that keep them from driving properly. To commence with, regardless of how old
drivers
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 are, they must obey some rules and it plays the most vital role in managing
this
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problem
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. To illustrate, it does not really matter whether a person becomes eligible to drive at the
age
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 of 18 or 21 if they drink and drive or cross a red light.
Therefore
Linking Words
, raising the
age
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 limit won'
t
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 work if the community does not follow the rules.
Secondly
Linking Words
, driving is a practical skill so doing it for many years not only grows your skill but
also
Linking Words
 makes it easier. Some illnesses in the elderly ages are recognized as a deterrent like having poor eyesight or paralysis, in
this
Linking Words
 ,case seniors can be banned from driving to keep the streets safe. The statistics show that people around the
age
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 of 55-65 are as good
drivers
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 as the ones in their forties.
Hence
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, reducing the driving
age
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 will not affect
this
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 issue.
To conclude
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, some people assume the
problem
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 of car crashes can be solved by applying stricter
age
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 limits. I opine that it won'
t
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 cope with the
problem
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 if the
drivers
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 don'
t
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 mind the rules.
Additionally
Linking Words
, older
drivers
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 own more valuable experiences which allows them to drive better if they don'
t
Use synonyms
 suffer from deterrent illnesses.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly and fully states the essay's contention. Your statement 'I disagree with this phenomenon' could be more clearly expressed.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
Avoid long and complex sentences where possible; ensuring clarity and readability should be prioritized.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the issue, maintaining a consistent argument throughout.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, contributing to the overall argument.
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