IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely result in society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
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Although
Linking Words
 permitting kids to make their own choices on food, clothes and entertainment make them efficient to take a wise decision on their life, often it makes them selfish. I
also
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 agree with those people who think child to make personal
opinions
Use synonyms
 about things that have negative impacts on them. Generally, in
this
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 modern world, many
parents
Use synonyms
 believe that happiness means getting
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to develop
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 perspective on everyday matters, especially, dies, clothes and anything which provides entertain.
Thus
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, people allow their kids to share their like or dislike about daily necessities.
Similarly
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, they think the
children
Use synonyms
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to make their personal
opinions
Use synonyms
 would be more
intellectual
Replace the word
intelligent
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 to make wise
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
on
Verify preposition usage
about
in
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 their future life.
For instance
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, Wellspring whose
parents
Use synonyms
 permit them
choosing
Change the verb form
to choose
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 their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 items, those
are feel
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 confident and may develop their
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 ability.
A part
Correct your spelling
Apart
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these positive effects on
children
Use synonyms
 making
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 perspective on selecting everyday goods, it has some adverse effects on
child’s
Add an article
a child’s
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and social activities. Freedom for making choices, sometimes cause
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
selfishness
Correct article usage
the selfishness
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, young could not think about others
opinions
Use synonyms
,
therefore
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, they always try to force
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 to establish their personal thinking lead to
misbehave
Change the verb form
misbehaving
show examples
 with other individuals in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. For these reasons, some
parents
Use synonyms
 do not allow their wellsprings to make their own choices. So, I think
parents
Use synonyms
 should be aware
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their child’s personal
opinions
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to build their own wishes is important to make wise decisions in their
further
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 life, but may
also
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 make them
self-center
Change the spelling
self-centre
show examples
, could not feel others feelings.
Submitted by m.hpl on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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