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Writing Samples
Band 6

Technology has created new types of hobbies. Nowadays, many children spend much time playing computer games or mobile games. What problems are associated with this? What are some possible solutions?

It is increasingly known that technology has created new hobbies;
therefore
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, recently, some kids have spent more
time
Use synonyms
 playing games on computers or mobile phones.
This
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 essay will discuss some problems that might appear because of
this
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 phenomenon,
such
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 as an underdeveloped mindset and lower results of studying, and will
also
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 provide the most viable solutions for
this
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 matter by implementing reward and punishment methods,
as well as
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 limiting the playing
time
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.
To begin
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 with, it is undoubtedly known that students will lack critical thinking because of excessive
time
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 of playing entertainment on mobile or computer. The main reason is that their cognitive capabilities are not developed very well since they spend most of their
time
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 playing. These skills will only be acquired if they are learning fundamental subjects in school,
such
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 as mathematics or science. Another major issue that might happen is low-quality studying. When the students are focusing on their hobbies rather than what they should be doing, like learning new theories or math laws, their brain
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 quality tends to drop significantly because they are lacking in developing their brain power.
This
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 causes them to have a lower grade in some subjects in the class.
For instance
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, it is reported that 35% of young gamers in Jakarta have lost their ability to memorise the law of measuring circles.
However
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, one of the most viable solutions for
this
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 issue is to apply the reward and punishment method.
This
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 approach will support children to become more disciplined and manage their
time
Use synonyms
 properly.
For example
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, after they study or if they achieve some milestones, kids can play with their entertainment as an award.
On the other hand
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, if they are showing any progress, there will be discipline they have to take.
This
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 will encourage them to pursue some improvements.
Secondly
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, limiting their screen
time
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. By implementing
this
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 method, parents can arrange the schedule for their children more wisely, so that there are times for them to play and for them to read their school materials. Making the kids respect and understand the meaning of
time
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 management. In conclusion,
although
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 technology provides new hobbies like playing computer or mobile games, problems, like poor academic performance and limited critical thinking skills, might appear.
Therefore
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, applying a reward
as well as
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 a punishment format and creating a limited
time
Use synonyms
 to play are the best solutions for
this
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 matter.

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structure
Use clear topic sentence at start of each paragraph.
coherence
Stick to one idea per paragraph and link ideas with simple words like first, next, and finally.
content
Carefully check facts or leave out any data you cannot prove.
language
Use small, simple phrases. Fix grammar and punctuation to make words fit.
structure
Plan your essay with a short plan: problem, cause, solution, and result.
content
The essay tries to cover both problems and solutions.
structure
There are good linking words like 'To begin with' and 'In conclusion'.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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