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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
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because of the influence and
celebrities
Add a comma
,celebrities
show examples
 online an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are concerned about a fundamental concept which is should we keep motivation and practising achieving the final goal or maybe be wealthy and stunning looks that are the key to prosperity. I agree with the point that it takes temptation and efforts to accomplishment. despite the fact that success is a relevant idea which varies a big deal from person to person ,hard work and persistence are the pivotal point of the achievement .
for example
Linking Words
 the definition of success for
students
Use synonyms
 might be test results .it's unlikely for most of the
students
Use synonyms
 score perfectly without constant learning and practice .
this
Linking Words
 means that when a student thinks about his perfect report card all the time he will practice frequently to avoid mistakes as well as seeking the strategy to play smarter.so ,if there are two
students
Use synonyms
 who are in the same level about to take the test ,the one could finish the evaluation flawless might always win with a greater odds.
this
Linking Words
 is not to say that money and physical appearance are not important ,it just means that both of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 may not be the most significant impact factors .of course ,
people
Use synonyms
 with start-up funds are easier than the one who needs alone when it comes to funding or business ;candidates of political positions are knowledgeable when he or she is good looking .
however
Linking Words
 ,easier at the start do not equal to success at the end .is necessary for
people
Use synonyms
 with gifts to endeavour .
for instance
Linking Words
 ,J Trudeau rather judges by some
people
Use synonyms
 that he is weak on his political measures when it comes to pandemic or immigration issues
then
Linking Words
 talk about how cute he is. in sum, play strategically and with persistent are the most important factors which will impact the ultimate result ,dear bye
people
Use synonyms
 should work hard with determinations no matter what .,Meanwhile we should still educate our
next
Linking Words
 generation or the
students
Use synonyms
 right now that practice makes things better
hence
Linking Words
 prevent the fact that the
people
Use synonyms
 love to compare and turn out to be bitter and cynical in the end .by doing so we can make sure that our
next
Linking Words
 generation becomes a mature adult who can overcome a hard time with strong characters in the future .
Submitted by Sue on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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