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Writing Samples
Band 6

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for this statement and give your own opinion.

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Blood
Correct your spelling
Bloodsports
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sports
Use synonyms
 are increasing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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certain areas of the world. These activities are cruel and should be banned completely globally. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 banning because due to
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 a
number
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 die and a sense of violence develop in the minds of spectators.
Firstly
Linking Words
, due to these cruel
sports
Use synonyms
 a
number
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 their lives. There are certain blood
sports
Use synonyms
 in which
animals
Use synonyms
 fight with each other. The powerful animal win in these
games
Use synonyms
. The one who killed the other animal on the ground is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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powerful so in the
game
Add a comma
,game
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 one has to be killed.
These kind
Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
show examples
 of
games
Use synonyms
 are played ubiquitously which is detrimental. Banning is the only solution.
For instance
Linking Words
, bullfighting is one of
such
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
, every year a
number
Use synonyms
 of bull die due to
this
Linking Words
 slaughter game. These
games
Use synonyms
 should be completely banned to stop the slaughter.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these
sports
Use synonyms
 are spreading violence globally. In these
Use synonyms
games
Add a comma
,games
show examples
 fightings happen between
animals
Use synonyms
. They hit and hurt each other. A
number
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 face major injuries while playing these
games
Use synonyms
. Those who watch these
games
Use synonyms
 impacted by the violence. Children are vulnerable, they often watch these, they may practise
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 fights at home.
This
Linking Words
 may cause severe accidents too.
For example
Linking Words
, dogfighting is
such
Linking Words
 a violent game played worldwide which should be completely banned. If children watch these, their delicate minds will be impacted. In conclusion, blood
sports
Use synonyms
 should be banned. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because these
sports
Use synonyms
 cause killing of
animals
Use synonyms
 and affect the delicate minds of people.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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