IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#children #books #time #technology #people #trend
In the contemporary world , offspring are no longer gaining knowledge through
books
 and other traditional methods ,
instead
, they are captivated by advanced
technology
 and find it a convenient way to access
books
 , references and what is recently called audiobooks. some argue that it is beneficial
while
 others think it is an issue and a concern that needs serious attention . I highly agree that today's
technology
 is harmful if not used in the right way , and children are not aware of its full risk and supervision is critically needed . On the one hand,
technology
 has made access to a wide range of information that costs a little and sometimes for free easier and faster . That means reading
books
 nowadays is not limited and everyone can do it .
For example
 ,
due to
 the internet and
technology
 ubiquity , people from all over the can find
books
 to read by browsing , and it is no longer a problem to find a bookshop that sells
books
 at good prices .
On the other hand
 , an argument was raised because many people think that the availability of huge amounts of non-restricted information can expose children to detrimental content and observance is not always available from adults. All these reasons made people believe , it is safer to stick to paper
books
 because parents or guardians can choose and monitor the type of data gained .
To conclude
 ,
although
technology
 is of good use , it is a two-sided spare that can either upgrade or destroy an entire generation . Parents must be aware of the consequences and outcomes . If guidance is not obtained , it is better to use old methods to teach .
Submitted by hindgadeem123 on

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task achievement
Try to further develop each main point with more specific examples or evidence to make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve the overall clarity and flow of your writing.
other
Ensure spelling and grammar accuracy to enhance readability and professionalism.
task achievement
You've clearly presented both sides of the argument and stated your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a clear verdict.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interactivity
  • multimedia resources
  • educational apps
  • global connectivity
  • imagination
  • critical thinking
  • attention span
  • concentration
  • vocabulary depth
  • literary knowledge
  • cultural awareness
  • digital literacy
  • conventional reading
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