IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
It is argued by many that every country has their own problems, it is not realistic for helping everyone globally who are in need.
Therefore
, every individual should focus on their own nation only. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement as I believe it is necessary for everyone to play a part, making the world a better place.
To begin
 with, there are many underdeveloped
countries
 who currently suffering from poverty.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of their citizens are not even able to access the basic needs
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human being, adults would not have enough food to survive, not to mention feeding their children. If other developed
countries
 who are in a wealthier position did not play a part to support them, those citizens in poorer
countries
 would have died from starvation and illness. In
this
 modern world, I feel that all humans should have an obligation to help those who live beyond our own nation, which can
also
 prevent human extinction in the poorer
countries
.
On the other hand
, it is true that many nations might have their own problems that need to be faced and resolved.
For instance
, homeless citizens and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 unemployment rate still exist in many developed
countries
.
However
, I believe the government should be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 key role to address the problem and provide certain solutions to ease the situation. With no doubt, the problem faced by those poorer and undeveloped
countries
 are much more serious than those in our own communities, and it is often easier to help.
For example
, a small donation from
individual
Add an article
an individual
show examples
 to an international charity might have a much greater impact. In conclusion, it is true that we cannot help everyone in the world.
However
, I strongly believe, as a human being who has the capability, should definitely put an effort to support those in need, regardless of the
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 boundaries.
Submitted by rachel_mw1214 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: