IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

For some people, making a lot of money is an important goal. Others think that their free time is more important than wealth. Which is more important to you? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

#people #money #time #wealth #choice
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Nowadays many
people
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 live by one goal of making enormous money to live a comfortable life. Critics argue that free
time
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 is highly vital than wealth, while others and I believe the opposite.
This
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 essay will discuss the importance of making money in today's world
instead
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 of relaxing by using examples from Economic Daily Magazine and free
time
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 expenses.
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 in
this
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 day and age struggle to make ends meet when everything is surging in price. The ideal situation for any individual would be to have some free
time
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, yet be financially stable.
However
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, money-making is not feasible for many,
hence
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people
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 work longer hours to sustain their lifestyle. To illustrate, according to Economic Daily Magazine in UK 4 out of 9 job types do not pay
people
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 well, which leaves many
people
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 working overtime with no
time
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 for
relaxation
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. The results are shocking, as many do not earn a good income to take
time
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 out for
relaxation
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. If hiring companies increase wages for employees, an individual would certainly consider taking some
time
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 out for
relaxation
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. In my opinion, it is essential for humans to take some
time
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 out from hectic schedules, as one's health can be suffering.
However
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 the circumstances are not easy for everyone, even free
time
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 comes at a cost. Many
people
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's idea of
relaxation
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 is not sitting at home, it is to go out for activities.
For example
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, a spa session costs around £50 and a movie ticket £14 on average per person in the UK which is quite expensive as many
people
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 cannot afford
such
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 a lifestyle,
hence
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 free
time
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 becomes once in every few months occasion. To summarise from the aforementioned examples, it is highly vital for an individual to take some
time
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 out to destress ,
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however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it is not possible for many due to less paying jobs, and rising costs of living.
Submitted by mehulsharma on

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